Sunday

One At a Time

I realized that I am not a superhuman. I could not do everything just in a single time. I could not afford to make an output in one single moment. This teaches me to do things singly. To be productive from something before moving to another. A thought in my mind was built that no person could make a better result out of a thing without putting it into focus and giving it priority and concentration. We cannot serve two masters at a time. Better to do it one at a time.

Friday

Acceptance

Expectation is not good. Not too very good.


I was hoping to have a very good night to end for this day. I watched one of the latest movies this 2013 (Oz the Great and Powerful) and indeed it was a very good film. I was about to rest when I decided to pass a quote to everyone. And to inform somebody a news I thought he must know.

Tinext ko ang somebody na ito sa balitang namatayan ang isang kaklase namin noong high school. And I really lowered my pride to text him first (after 4 months? 5? 6?) And you know what? Nagreply ba naman sya ng 'tsk'?? Hello?!? Ganung reply sa isang nakakalungkot na balita? The nerve. At para sa kaalaman ng lahat, I think he and my dating kaklase (na obviously kaklase rin niya) were closed when we were in high school at para sa akin hindi karapat-dapat ang ganung reaksyon niya. =_=

There's another reason I texted him actually. It is because, behind my mind is a little hope that we'll have a conversation. After how many years of no communication. :DD

Pero masaklap ang nangyari. Nangamusta naman siya sa akin. At naisip ko, maganda iyong pangitain. Pero, what happened next? Puro 'haha' at 'hehe' lang ang aming usapan. I mean, after all those times? Pagkatapos kong ibaba ang aking pride sa pinakababang pwesto sa mundo (baka naabot ko na nga ang kaharian ni Hades) ay wala akong napala? I want to scream. And shout. And let it all loud. Pero Jk lang. D i pa naman ako ganun kaemosyonal. :) Medyo lang. :(

Sometimes, there comes the time when every word of a song hits to our heart like a bullet.


I listened to my favorite songs. And during that time, I feel so numb. Senseless. Insensitive. All emotions poured off to me and began pulling me out of the reality. It seemed so hurting that I almost want to just curled up in my bed; doing nothing, feeling nothing.

Ganyan ang naramdaman ko kasi ang taong tinext ko lang naman ay si Berto. (see my previous post for his story) :D Aminado ako. Masakit ang nangyari. (akala mo rin kung anong nangyari ba HAHA) Pero honestly speaking/blogging, my heart feels like it would shatter any time into medium pieces. Like it would disintegrate to.... wala na akong maidugtong pa.

There will always be a time to accept the truth you could never change.


Wala na nga siguro siyang pakialam sa akin. Wala na siyang natitirang emosyon pa upang bigyan niya ako ng kaonting panahon at saglit na oras man lang upang makipag-usap. Na kung anong meron kami noon (meron ba?) ay nalipad nalang ng hangin at dinala sa isang lugar ng nakaraan na walang sino man ang makakadala sa kasalukuyan at hinaharap. Siguro nga, ayaw na niya talaga sa akin. (choosy pa sya ha?) 'Yung tipong desidido na siyang burahin ako sa buhay niya. 'Yung tipong gagawin na lang nya akong isang parte na lamang ng buhay niya. At ganun na rin siguro ang dapat kong gawin.

Some decisions may be hurting, but if is good for you, do it.


Mahirap makalimot sa isang taong naging malaking parte sa buhay mo noon. At alam kong marami sa inyo ang hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa lubusang nakakalimot sa mga masasakit na alaala sa kanilang buhay. Oo. Mahirap at isang matagal na proseso ang pagmomove on. Lalo na't presko pa ang nangyari at sa tuwina'y naaala mo pa rin ang nakaraan. At ang medyo masakit na katotohanan, kahit ilang taon na ang nakaraan, hinding-hindi mo pa rin makakalimutan ang taong iyon. Kahit ilang centuries man ang magdaan ay andyan pa rin sa puso't isip mo ang mga karanasan ninyong dalawa. 

Sabi nga nila, there's no thing such as forgetting. Just accepting. Naisip ko, oo nga noh? You'll never forget the feelings, the emotions, the memories, and the like. You'll never forget the fact that you're now required to drift apart and be away to each other. What you may do is to accept. To accept that all those feelings, emotions and memories will never be experienced again. Ang mga masasayang araw ninyo ay hindi mo na malalasap pa. Mga panahong gusto mong maulit pa. Siguro, iyon na rin ang dapat kong gawin. Nagawa na ata iyon ni Berto kaya ganun na ang pakikitungo niya sa akin. And maybe it's also the time for me to do it. 


***
Masakit tanggapin ang mga bagay na ayaw mong mawala sa'yo. Pero kailangan eh. Nasa pagtanggap lang ang susi upang makamove on ka at makapaghanap ng kaligayahan mo sa buhay. Wag magpatali sa mga nakaraang alam mong wala na ring patutunguhan. Iwasang magpaalipin sa mga nakaraang alam mong wala nang saysay para gawing tambayan. Let go. Move on. Be happy.


Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
(photo by google.com)

Distance

Isang malaking bahagi ng relasyon.

Sa distansya nagsimula ang lahat. Kung paanong nag krus ang inyong landas sa laki ng mundo. Kung paanong sa dinami-rami ng makakasabay mo sa jeep, sya pa. O sa dami ng pwede mong maging classmate, sya pa. At sa dami ng pwedeng makilala sa Facebook ,sya pa.

Sa distansya tumibay ang relasyon. Sa panahong magkalayo kayo at di mahawakan ang isa’t-isa. Sa mga pagkakataong gusto mong yakapin at halikan sya pero wala kang magawa. Tatambay ka sa profile nya sa fb, titigin mo yung blog nya habang pinapakinggan ang BGM at iniintay mong mag OL o magtext sya.

Sa distansya nagsimula ang problema. Sa mga panahong napapaisip ka kung dapat mo pa bang ipaglaban ang sa inyo. Kung makatarungan bang manghawak sa mga pangako ng isang taong milya-milya ang layo. At sa mga problemang maaayos sana kung magkalapit lang kayo.

At sa distansya nauwi ang lahat. Sa pagkakataong bumitaw na kayo parehas. Nagdesisyon na maghiwalay at magkanya-kanya na. Napagtantong hindi sapat ang pag-ibig lang sa isang relasyon.

Sa pagtatapos ay may magsisimula. Maaaring ibang tao, maaaring siya ulit. Maaaring bukas, maaaring sa takdang panahon. Isa lang ang sigurado, may nakatadhana sayo - sa inyo...

--> https://www.facebook.com/AkosiBobOngOfficial

Thursday

Simple "Thank You"

How does it feel not to be appreciated?


It hurts, actually. -_-
To do something favorable to someone and yet, he/she won't recognize it.

I think, 100% surely, a simple thank you wouldn't hurt a thing, right? To acknowledge the effort given to you and especially for you. To appreciate, for at least, the time he/she used just for you.

I'm not dumb not to feel hurt. To say it's okay that I feel good whenever someone do nothing where in fact I did everything to make him/her feel satisfied and happy. Not that I don't want to do favors again but it's just a sad fact that there are people whom you've wholeheartedly given precious time and effort but still, heartless and so dumb to at least say "Salamat".


So much for that...


Sunday

HOPE

Hope is within us.
Just inside of us.


Waiting to be used.
Waiting to be called.


It may not be easy to find it.
It may be hard to achieve it.


But we must remember:
There's no hope to be found if we ourselves are hopeless for it to find.

Thursday

Playful Truth

Sometimes, the one you thought you deserve is not really the right one.


I have this classmate who told me her love story. Itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang.... Ay wag na. Baka mabasa niya eto (pero may balak pa rin akong ipabasa sa kanya) eh magalit pa siya. :D And her story goes like this.



She had this texmate, a long time one, whom she was fallen in love to. Naks, malalim. Pero true. She told me she had this feelings towards him that made her thought he's the one. Sabi niya sa 'kin, they made promises to each other. Especially the guy. Sabi nung lalaki, they'll be together in the future. She told me they even talked about the details of their weddings and etc. And she believed it. And that made her heart miserable.

Destiny is fun. But not until it plays with you.


With the intervention of Facebook, one of the most fast-relying-of-chismis social network this time, nalaman na lang ng kaibigan kong ito na nagkagirlfriend na si guy. Ang masaklap, kilalang-kilala niya 'yong girl. The guy and his girl were in some pictures posted by the girl in Facebook. And that was the time my friend told me that news.


As I've heard, or shall I say read (kasi sa text niya sinabi sa akin ang chika) the heart-breaking news about the guy, I can't help but feel sad and at the same time angry. Sad para sa friend kong umasa at disappointed. Iba kasi 'yung feeling na ibinigay mo ang tiwala mo sa isang tao. 'Yung tipong naglaan ka ng kaonting space sa iyong puso para sa kanya at sa mga planong dapat ay para sa inyong dalawa. At sisirain lang. Masakit. =_= Ang pangit kasi 'yong sisirain ang tiwalang ibinigay mo. 'Yong wawasakin lang ang expectations mo na kung sana natupad lang ay may magandang resulta sana. Ng isang tao pa talagang tunay mong pinagkatiwalaan. At pinaniwalaan.

Angry para sa lalaking nanakit sa friend ko. Who would not be angry to a person whom your friend trusted, believed and probably loved for a long time? Someone, who made promises and yet would break it in an unfair and unreasonable way? Dapat siguro sa lalaking iyon ay iprito sa isang napakainit ng kalan at ilublob sa kumukulong tubig ng bongga. Pero joke lang. Nakakaiinis kasi. Kung sino pa 'yong pinagkatiwalaan, ay siya pa 'yong mananakit.

Behind those smiles is a broken heart.



I really considered this classmate a friend of mine. She may not really know it, and she may have other circle of friends, but I do believe we are friends. And I can't help to put up myself to a responsibility to make her not feel bad of what happened. Alam ko kasi, she deserves someone better. She's a tough girl; a brave one. She has this kind of life that some girls would like not to have pero unfortunately, she has that one kind. And sometimes, I wish na hindi naging ganun ka-ruthless ang tadhana para sa kanya.

I adored her. Sa lahat kasi ng napagdaanan nya, at pinagdadaanan niya, you will not say she has an unfair kind of life. For she could still manage to paint smiles on her face, to spread jokes and share laughter to her friends. And more than that, she could still touch other people's heart. (And I was one of those people :D) And as a friend, to know that one single heartless guy hurt her would really flamed up anger inside my chest.

Someone who has a good heart deserves somebody who has more than that.


Pasalamat na lang siguro ako na nangyari 'yon sa kaklase ko. Not that I'm happy na nasaktan siya at nakaexperience siya ng ganun. What I mean is that because of what happened, it became the way that she discovered that the man na pinagtuunan niya ng pansin ay walang kwenta. Na hanggang sa salita lamang at kulang sa gawa ang taong iyon. I'm glad that as soon as possible, nalaman niya ang tunay na kulay ng lalaking iyon. (MAITIM XD)

I know deep inside my heart that she could find a man who will not break hers. Alam kong may isang taong nakalaan sa kanya na pasasayahin at mamahalin siya in the future. Pero for the mean time I wish her the happiness in her present life. She has still her friends and family who loved and cared for her. (I may not say it to her personally, but I am thankful I met her. ^_^)

P.S: Ang babeng ito ay naghahanap ng kalinga. Biro lang. Pero  ang masasabi ko, masaya siyang kasama, that's a fact. You may want to become her friend, y'know.--->> https://www.facebook.com/hejhar


Never rush things 'cause anything that is worth having is surely worth waiting for.
(photo by tumblr.com)

Thursday

RIP Little Friend

Since I was born, you were already a part of me. Wherever I go, whatever I do, you are always with me. We've shared million moments and experienced a lot of good and bad things. We've gone through many places and saw scenes that will always be in my mind. 

It may be too late to say that I'm so glad you did exist with me. You may not already know that I'm so thankful you became a part of me. Thank you for bearing with my clumsiness. Because of it, you've had a lot of sufferings that I know I will never heal. You've had so much pain that I know will never be erased. And for that reason, I'd like to ask for your forgiveness. I'm really sorry. And THANK YOU. Don't worry, I know your brothers and sisters will take good care of me. And trust me, our bond will be treasured in my heart. Rest in peace, my friend!



This is for my one little toe in my left foot.  I didn't expect it would die and stop growing. Well, life must go on.
:D

(photo by facebook.com)

Tuesday

The Haunted Chalk

Tuesday Afternoon at school with classmates...

Heavy rain poured from the sky. The sidewalks and streets became wet and the silent trees twirled and twisted as if whirlpool passed by because of the great winds along with the pouring waters. Students tried to avoid the rain but still got wet. Others successfully found a temporary refuge from the waiting sheds built along the sidewalks. Tricycles and motorcycles swept through the pavements faster than their normal speeds and cars and trucks moved their wheels along the highways. And us? We waited for our next class and had seen all those scenes outside of our school.


Enough with the setting. :D

Ganito kasi 'yon. We had an activity in our major (Journalism) and we are supposed to answer our prof's question using a strip of illustration board. And to answer on it, we were given a piece of chalk. Our activity has to be done by pairs.

As the activity goes on, I set the chalk on my desk, telling my partner that she's the one who needs to answer the next question. I kulikot something in my bag and when I glance at may desk, wala na 'yung chalk. Tinanong ko siya kung kinuha niya ba 'yung chalk pero sabi niya hindi raw. Nagtaka ako. She told me to look for it under our chairs. At naghanap nga kami sa ilalim. And we found it. On the floor behind my one foot. We're so glad that we found it and went back to our seats. 

But we noticed something. 

We found a piece of chalk just under our stripped board. Nagtaka kami. Bakit dalawa na? Eh isa lang naman ang chalk na ibinigay sa amin.



~~~~~

Laugh trip ang kwento sa taas noh? Trying hard kung makagawa ng ghost story out of an ordinary scene. Well, infairness, nagtaka talaga kami nang later na namin nahanap 'yung chalk sa aking desk. Sino ba naman ang hindi mashoshock na nilagay mo lang sa desk then in just a split second ay biglang naglaho? And then bigla mong mahahanap sa floor tapos, makikita mo na iyong original chalk nyo na nasa desk lang pala; alll those times! :DD  Amazing but scary. Pero biro lang. Hindi talaga siya nakakatakot na storya. Nakapagtataka lang.

Monday

July 1.

Parry-Romberg Syndrome (PRS)
- a condition that attacks skin, bones, and muscles on one side of the face. It is a rare neurocutaneous syndrome characterized by progressive shrinkage and degeneration of the tissues beneath the skin, usually on only one side of the face but occasionally extending to other parts of the body.



I saw my classmate brought an issue of the famous Reader's Digest and I borrowed it  from her during one of our class. Mahilig talaga akong magbasa. Literally. Anything with written or printed words, I read it. :DD At eto na nga. I'd read an article on RD about a girl who's experience is beyond normal from the life of other happy teenage girls.

The article talks about Kelly, a girl who has this rare disorder called Parry-Romberg Syndrome. Ito daw 'yong syndrome na umaatake sa one side of the face making it waste away. And that's what happened to Kelly. "Little by little, her right eye is sinking in its socket. One side of her button nose is shrinking and twisting. Her lips has lifted up, as if frozen into a perpetual sneer." at ito ang dahilan kung bakit naging miserable ang buhay niya.

Bullying has inspired no one.

She was teased by friends and neighbors. They looked at her as if she was an alien; having that deformed face and etc. Her classmates teased and bullied her, making her depressed and lonely. Mahirap mabully sa klase. 'Yung tipong iniiba ka ng mga kaklase mo dahil feel nilang hindi ka belong sa kanila. It's like your difference to them makes you an outcast on their circle.

I felt a burning feeling on my throat and a little tear in my eyes as I continually read Kelly's story. It was like realizing that even people with some disorders who try to live in a normal way without bothering other's lives are still being misjudged and treated as if it's their fault having those conditions. Minsan, kahit lahat na ng paliwanag ay sinabi na nila, may mga tao talagang makitid ang utak at hindi iniintindi ang nangyayari. Mga taong sarado ang pag-iisip at hindi man lang magawang buksan upang tumuklas at umintindi sa sitwasyon ng iba.



Hope can be found in an unexpected place, in an unexpected time, from unexpected people.

Kelly was forced to leave their home and moved to another place. And there she found new happiness and hope. The people on their new neighborhood were friendly enough and were able to understand her condition. Kelly was surprised and almost cried in happiness to find people who were like that. Mga bagong kakilala na hindi nag-atubiling tanggapin kung ano siya at bigyan siya ng pagkakataong mamuhay sa paraang gusto niya.

I was glad that Kelly had found the right place with people who accepted who and what she is. Natupad ang pangarap niyang sana tanggapin siya ng mga tao sa kung anong nasa loob niya at hindi sa anong kaanyuan niya. Nakatagpo siya ng mga bagong kaibigan na nagbigay ng pag-asa sa kanyang buhay. (And I'm really thankful that I've chosen to read the RD on the first day of the month. This might be a good inspiration to live the second half of the year.)

***

Everyone deserves a normal and happy life.

Kelly deserved one. And no one has the right to restrain it from her. At kahit sino man ay may karapatang mamuhay nang payapa at marangal. (drama ng bongga) Maling-mali ang manghusga ng iba kung alam natin sa ating sarili na hindi naman tayo perpekto. Hindi tamang iparamdam natin sa iba na hindi sila tanggap sa lipunan at wala silang lugar sa kung saan tayo nakapwesto. Hindi tayo binigyan ng mata upang humusga ng kapwa. Hindi tayo binigyan ng bibig upang magsabi ng mga salitang nakakapanakit ng damdamin. Hindi tayo binigyan ng utak upang sa maling nosyon at ideya lang natin gugulin ang ating isipan para sa ating kapwa. Hindi masama ang magkomento sa ating nakikita. Pero pag sobra na sa limitasyon ay hindi na tama. May mali man sa ating kakilala, kaibigan o kahit ang ating kapamilya, tao pa rin sila, umiiyak, nasasaktan, nawawalan ng pag-asa.

Sometimes, it's all there... just within us.
(photo by tumblr.com)